Chaucer's Book Signing Event for "Once Upon a Kentucky Farm"

My “Once Upon A Kentucky Farm” book signing at Chaucer's Books on May 9, '22 was a rousing success.

Interviewed by Rachel Sarah Thurston, State of Sparkle, we discussed my process writing this memoir, which is about my navigation of dysfunctional family abuse and how I found healing during my childhood visits to my maternal grandparents’ farm in rural Kentucky.

The early portion of the event.

I read an excerpt.

Then, I signed copies!

Many thanks to Mike Takeuchi and Chaucer's Bookstore and all of my friends and loved ones who attended this event in support of me.

Walk in beauty.

And One of My Babies is Born

Bottom line: Publishing a book is as difficult as writing one . . . marketing it even worse.

Holding the original paperback proof copy of my first published memoir, Once Upon a Kentucky Farm: Hope and Healing from Family Abuse, Alcoholism and Dysfunction.

First published memoir, you ask? Yes, I have one more, maybe two more, but they will come later, fingers crossed.

Right now, most of my efforts are focused on "weening my first full-length literary offspring," which may take a good six months. By that I mean, there is a load of marketing to be done in order to provide my book the best opportunity to thrive. To say that writing, publishing and marketing my literary baby has been a personal challenge would be an understatement. As a writer, I'm busy as ever since my retirement as a therapist.

It took me about five years to complete writing this book, which served to some extent as a cathartic healing process along my recovery journey, and with help of my late Uncle James along the way, who provided some corrections of details.

Then came the professional editing, by that I mean paying a pro to "work it over." I consider that a worthwhile process, as my editor for this manuscript, Dale Griffiths Stamos, suggested I alternate the chapters of home and farm, which heightened the differences of intensity of those two environments.

Next came the on-going, and never ending, process of growing a social media platform, a valuable leg of current day marketing. I appreciated Rachel S. Thurston's assistance in guiding me through my website development, which continues regarding my book launch.

Once I'd completed my website, I saw no reason to continue procrastinating on publication, and contracted with Authority Publishing to do the "dirty work" required to get my manuscript into book form. I'd grown leery of the agent acquisition process, and concluded time's a-wastin'. It has seemed a lengthy process, though only about five months for Chela, my coordinator at Authority Publishing, with some work on my part, to get all the little ducklings in a row. Now in hindsight, however, it feels the process has zipped by. But then, maybe my experience with COVID skewed my perspective!

I have to share how deeply touched I've been by the wonderful book blurbs I received. Those blurbs are included in the book, but I'll share a portion of one written by award-winning author of A Few Minor Adjustments, Cherie Kephart: “Deeply personal and written with heart . . . shines a light on the many levels of trauma . . . radiates a deep understanding of the importance of moving beyond our painful circumstances. . . .”

I have to say I've learned a lot in shepherding my manuscript to publication, though I'm sure I'll learn much more as I tackle new and different ways to "inform the world about my literary baby."

BTW, as one of my "connections," you're assistance is requested, such as, reading my book, then writing a good review on my Amazon Book page, writing and posting on social media, and passing "the word" to your family and friends. Whatever you can do will be greatly appreciated.

Walk in beauty.

Photo Credit: Janet, my wife

Dysfunctional Families (Wisdom of the 12-Steps)

Bottom line: Don’t give up. We’re all capable of healing and recovery, but we have to reach out for the support that awaits.

We’ve heard the term, but what does dysfunctional mean, anyway? Merriam-Webster dictionary defines dysfunctional as “not functioning properly: marked by impaired or abnormal functioning.” It may be difficult to pinpoint, or put into words, what’s dysfunctional in a family or individual, but generally we know something’s amiss on a gut level.

Growing up with a father who frequently binged alcohol after cashing his Friday paychecks, then arguing and physically abusing my mother when she confronted him, I knew things were out of kilter. Their fighting scared and saddened me. I felt torn during those years between wanting to escape and avoid my confusion, hurt, sadness and my helplessness over their turmoil. I worked to steer clear of the intensity of Dad’s rages. At the same time, I wanted to prevent harm to Mom, as I was terrified of losing her altogether by Dad’s hand. In spite of, or because of, my feelings—doesn’t matter which—I searched for clues as to how I could intervene and stop the periodic madness.

As a young boy, I couldn’t explain normal . . . not to myself, and not to anyone else. Nor did I know how other fathers acted towards their children, except from glimpses I could get here and there. But my feelings told me that my nuclear family situation was wrong, wasn’t healthy, and desperately so. Like when I burned a finger after touching a hot stove, or scrapped a knee from a fall, I knew if something caused pain, then that something wasn’t good. And I knew to avoid repeating behavior which caused pain. I didn’t know what I could do to change my dad’s drinking, my parents’ arguments over it, or Dad’s abuse of Mom. I didn’t have the tools to communicate my feelings with others. Some invisible wall of silence had been erected, which trapped my mom, my brother and me, and prevented us from seeking effective assistance to change the equation. I couldn’t intervene physically. The best I could do? I hunkered down, observed, and empathized with Mom when I could. I calculated how, and moreover when, I might intervene . . . while at the same time pursuing my boyhood interests at school and during visits to my grandparents.

Visits to my grandparents, particularly my maternal grandparents’ farm, became my saving grace. The unconditional love I received there from extended family members uplifted me. Dad didn’t drink around my grandparents, that I knew of anyway. Moreover, my parents didn’t argue or fight while there. And so, those visits provided me a safe harbor, a place to anchor myself, lower my vigil, absorb healthier life lessons, and experience the closer-to-nature lifestyle of subsistence farming.

It’s been said that all families are dysfunctional in their own way. And at best, it’s probably a rare few who would claim they didn’t grow up dealing with chaos or experiencing trauma. Who among us can claim they grew up unscathed? Beyond that, none of us can claim we’ve never suffered a loss. Loss is an inevitable part of life.

Some individuals and families, without doubt, are more toxic and dysfunctional than others. And some individuals are harmed more than others. Children in particular are more likely to suffer to a greater degree as they have fewer resources to cope and escape. But we all have opportunity to reach out for support, even in small ways, to avoid further damage and begin our healing journey.

If you don’t have friends or family to whom you can reach out, Twelve-Step meetings are a safe place to start, particularly if counseling/therapy isn’t an option.

Years ago, my healing journey involved reaching out while in undergraduate school when suicidal thoughts threatened to consume me. So, reach out and connect with others. If nothing else, start with a phone call or a remote meeting. There are others out there who can relate and are willing to listen. Unburden yourself of your secrets. You’re only as sick as they are. Drop the public mask you hide behind and let down your walls. Learn to trust others. Learn to love, and accept yourself in spite of your warts and imperfections.

You can read more about my journey by visiting my website (my name .com) and reading my memoir, Once Upon a Kentucky Farm: Hope and Healing from Family Abuse, Alcoholism and Dysfunction (released early 2022).

I leave you with this quote from an unknown source: “You don’t have to save me, you only need to hold my hand while I save myself.”

Photo Credit: Quang Nguyen vinh (Quangpraha) - Pixabay